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Showing posts with label facebook sayings. Show all posts
Showing posts with label facebook sayings. Show all posts

Funny Facebook statuses and pics

Facebook statuses and pics

I'm gonna hang a Batman outfit in my closet to screw with myself when I get Alzheimer's.

If you're wondering why you're single, date someone. You'll remember.

Interviewer: "What did you like best about your last job?" Me: "Sometimes, people had birthdays and there was free cake."

I drive safer when there's food on my passenger seat than when there's a person sitting there.

Facebook pics that makes you laugh

Two things that most people want. 1. Lose weight 2. Eat

I wish "friends with benefits" meant your friends paid all of your bills.

My favorite beer is the next one.

Zombies and I have a lot in common; we both walk around aimlessly looking for something to eat.

Funny Facebook statuses

funny Facebook quotes and statuses

My doctor said I'm healthy enough for sexual activity ... I'm just not attractive enough.

Whenever a wrong number calls me and hangs up I always call em back and tell them it was their loss because I'm really fun to talk to.

There are so many scams on the Internet now these days, but for $19.95 I can show you how to avoid them.

Funny Facebook quotes and statuses

Facebook quotes and statuses


This would be a "Good Morning!" status update, but it's not, because morning sucks.

My wife is great at multitasking. She can be mad at me for five
 different things at the same time.

Every novel is a mystery, if you never finish it.

#facebook #statuses and #quotes for #laughs

I thought a vasectomy would keep my wife from getting pregnant but apparently it only changes the color of the baby.

There is no such thing as a stupid question, but there are such things as stupid people who ask questions.

This donut scented car freshener will more than pay for itself next time I get pulled over.

I just blew all my party money on bills again.

Facebook funny quote and status

Funny Facebook statuses

My plan for today? Same as always: Drink coffee and be sexy.

I’m going to the gym because I heard they have free weights. I wonder how many they’ll let me take?

Facebook quotes with pics

The only thing I hate worse than holding a girl's purse is when it doesn't match what I'm wearing.

Does Holy Crap comes from Holy Cow?


Funny short quotes for Facebook

I’m not a vegetarian but I eat animals who are.

I went for window shopping , and guest what , I bought four windows....

Funny pics with quotes for Facebook

I really think my life would be a lot better if my fitness app would just lower its standards.

If I was a Jedi there is a 100% chance that I would use the Force inappropriately.

Facebook quotes

Facebook addiction

Is there any healing program for Facebook addicted?

You may have a Facebook addiction if you... 
Get up to take a leak in the middle of the night and just have to turn your computer on to see if anyone messaged you in the middle of the night.

Funny Facebook quotes with pics

Instagram addiction

You know you have an Instagram addiction when you go on Facebook and double tap a photo.

10,351 pictures on Facebook..... I may have a light addiction.

Facebook addiction quotes

Funny quotes about Facebook addiction

funny quotes about Facebook addiction

Quotes About Facebook



“I have a friend request from some stranger on Facebook and i delete it without looking at the profile because that doesn't seem natural. 'cause friendship should not be as easy as that. it's like people believe all you need to do is like the same bands in order to be soulmates. or books. OMG... U like the outsiders 2... it's like we're the same person! no we're not. it's like we have the same english teacher. there's a difference.” 
― David Levithan


Social-networking



“If you can't stop thinking about someone's update, that's called "status cling.” ― Jessica Park
“Read it with sorrow and you will feel hate.Read it with anger and you will feel vengeful.Read it with paranoia and you will feel confusion.Read it with empathy and you will feel compassion.Read it with love and you will feel flattery.Read it with hope and you will feel positive.Read it with humor and you will feel joy.Read it with God and you will feel the truth.Read it without bias and you will feel peace.Don't read it at all and you will not feel a thing.” ― Shannon L. Alder



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