Short funny jokes

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Short funny jokes

One line quotes

I think my neighbor is stalking me as she's been googling my name on her computer. 
I saw it through my telescope last night.

You're not fat, you're just... easier to see.

I'm not saying I hate you, but I would unplug your life support to charge my phone.

really funny jokes

You know you're ugly when it comes to a group picture and they hand you the camera.

Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly,
 and for the same reason.

My favorite mythical creature? The honest politician.

jokes of the day

Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
Is your ass jealous of the amount of shit that just came out of your mouth?

I hate when I am about to hug someone really sexy and my face hits the mirror.

Funny one liners

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Funny one liners

One liner joke

If i had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive, they would eventually find me attractive.

A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.

I find it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue stand for freedom until they are flashing behind you.

Great one liners

Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool. I gave him a glass of water.

I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

Isn't it great to live in the 21st century? Where deleting history has become more important than making it.

hilarious one liners, joke of the day one liners

When wearing a bikini, women reveal 90 % of their body... men are so polite they only look at the covered parts.

I changed my password to "incorrect". So whenever I forget what it is the computer will say "Your password is incorrect".

That awkward moment when you leave a store without buying anything and all you can think is "act natural, you're innocent".

Hilarious quotes and one liners

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Hilarious quotes and one liners

Funny sense of humor quotes

We kill people who kill people because killing people is wrong.
— Unknown