Quotes and photos: short funny jokes

Short funny quotes

When you fall, I will be there to catch you - With love, the floor.

- Anonymous

I don't need a hair stylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning.

- Anonymous

Don't worry if plan A fails, there are 25 more letters in the alphabet.

- Anonymous

When the past comes knocking, don't answer. It has nothing new to tell you.

- Anonymous

Most of the time... when you're crying, nobody notices your tears.

Most of the time... when you're worried, nobody feels your pain.

Most of the time... when you're happy, nobody sees your smile.

But when you fart just one time...

- Anonymous

You know you are getting old when the candles on your

birthday cake start to cost more than the cake itself.

- Anonymous

I think my neighbor is stalking me as she's been googling my name on her computer.
I saw it through my telescope last night.

You're not fat, you're just... easier to see.

I'm not saying I hate you, but I would unplug your life support to charge my phone.

You know you're ugly when it comes to a group picture and they hand you the camera.

Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly,
and for the same reason.

My favorite mythical creature? The honest politician.

Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
Is your ass jealous of the amount of shit that just came out of your mouth?

I hate when I am about to hug someone really sexy and my face hits the mirror.