Quotes and photos: short joke of the day

Short funny jokes

I think my neighbor is stalking me as she's been googling my name on her computer.
I saw it through my telescope last night.

You're not fat, you're just... easier to see.

I'm not saying I hate you, but I would unplug your life support to charge my phone.

You know you're ugly when it comes to a group picture and they hand you the camera.

Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly,
and for the same reason.

My favorite mythical creature? The honest politician.

Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
Is your ass jealous of the amount of shit that just came out of your mouth?

I hate when I am about to hug someone really sexy and my face hits the mirror.