Quotes for laughs
"Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date
on Saturday night."
- Rodney Dangerfield
"Give a man a fish and he will have food for one day.
Teach him to catch fish
and he will spend all day at the lake drinking beer. "
- Anonymous
"If you could kick the person in the pants
responsible for most of your trouble,
you wouldn't sit for a month."
- Theodore Roosevelt
"The best time to give advice to your children
is while they’re still young enough
to believe you know what you’re talking about."
- Evan Esar
"Don't drink to forget me,
you'll end up seeing me double."
- Anonymous
"I told my wife the truth.
I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist.
Then she told me the truth:
that she was seeing a psychiatrist,
two plumbers,
and a bartender."
- Rodney Dangerfield
Roses are red,
violets are blue,
I'm schizophrenic,
and so am I.
- Oscar Levant
"There is nothing so annoying
as to have two people go right on talking
when you’re interrupting."
